


I'm Not Good Enough

by CherieoftheDragons (SignCherie)



Series: Carina Lee [4]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, False Accusations, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Paparazzi, Scandal, Valentine's Day DLC Spoilers, mc has a name
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-03 17:22:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13345944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SignCherie/pseuds/CherieoftheDragons
Summary: False rumors are flying about Zen and his co-star. When MC is confronted by a crowd of paparazzi, she panics. Later, when Zen finds out that his princess was targeted, hurt/comfort ensues.Inspired by Zen's Valentine's Day DLC. So, you know, spoilers.





	I'm Not Good Enough

Carina sat in her favorite coffeehouse, looking across the table at Jumin and Jaehee and thinking to herself that she didn’t see her friends nearly enough.

It still amazed her that she’d actually convinced Jumin to come out to a place that served “commoner” food, and even more so that he’d agreed to bring Jaehee along. The latter had looked more than a little uncomfortable walking in the door with her employer, but now that she had her cafe mocha cupped in her hands, her face shone with excitement. While she chattered animatedly about the most recent episode of Zen’s TV show, Jumin squinted down at the jelly donut on his plate with apprehension.

This was the sort of moment Carina savored. Talking in the messenger and over the phone was nice, but nothing beat spending time with her friends in person.

Just as she raised her cup of hot chocolate to her lips to take her first sip, a loud voice cut through the murmur of voices. “Carina Lee!”

Before she could look toward the sound, a camera flash momentarily blinded her. Instinctively, she raised an arm over her face. The first voice was joined by others, and when her vision cleared, a crowd of paparazzi swam into view.

What were they doing here? Once or twice, the paparazzi had caught her when she was out with Zen, despite the low profile they tried to keep. But the press had never sought out his absolutely normal, non-celebrity girlfriend when Zen wasn't there before.

“Miss Lee! How do you feel about your boyfriend’s affair with his co-star, Jocelyn? What was your reaction when you found out he was cheating?”

It was like she’d been slapped.

“Carina, many people believe that your relationship with Zen is a front. Can you comment on that?”

“Are you and Zen still together? Can your relationship withstand this betrayal?”

“Miss Lee, look over here!”

Carina could barely see for all the lights flashing, and panic shot through her. She was trapped. The rumors weren’t true, of course, but there was no way to react that wouldn’t make the whole thing worse. If she denied the scandal, the press would tell the world she was deluded. If she showed any sign of distress, they would have a field day, pointing to her emotions as proof of the affair. If she stayed quiet and ignored them, well, a lack of denial was as good as confirmation.

She could already feel the tears stinging in her eyes, and terror was creeping up on her. 

In an instant, Jumin was standing in front of her, shielding her from the cameras. “Ladies and gentlemen.” His voice was strong and clear, and the clamor of voices died down. “The actor Zen and his co-star Jocelyn have both released statements putting to rest all rumors of scandal between the two. Zen and Miss Lee continue to be in a happy and devoted relationship. Miss Lee has no other comment at this time.”

Jaehee came to stand by Carina’s shoulder, speaking quietly into her phone. A moment later, she slipped the phone into her pocket. “Driver Kim is waiting outside. Let’s go.”

Jumin led the way, making a path through the crowd for Carina and Jaehee to follow. Protectively, Jaehee wrapped an arm around Carina’s shoulder. The paparazzi pressed close around them, but Carina kept her eyes focused forward, refusing to look at any of them.

And then she was in the car, sandwiched between her friends, and Jumin was giving the order to leave. Jaehee took her hand. “Are you okay?”

She wasn’t. Her heart was pounding so hard she could practically hear it. She’d been completely cornered, and it terrified her. Without Jumin and Jaehee, she never would have gotten out of there. What would she do if it happened again?

And the questions…

The questions.

No, she couldn’t think about them. Not now.

Jaehee was waiting for her answer, but Carina couldn’t talk about it. If she did, her thoughts would bubble over, and she’d start crying. Bawling in Jumin's towncar was not something she ready for, so she cleared her throat and said what was expected. “I’ll be fine.” Her voice came out hollow, and she worked to suppress her emotion. “Thank you both for helping me. I don’t know what I would have done if I were alone.”

God. Only minutes ago she'd been so happy for her friends’ company, and now all she wanted was to go home. 

“I’ll arrange for security guards for you,” was Jumin’s brisk response. “It won’t do for you to be harassed in this manner.”

“Oh.” That would certainly solve the problem of what to do if the paparazzi caught her again, but Carina faltered at the idea of being followed around by bodyguards. “Do you think it’s necessary?”

“I think you should take them.” Jaehee squeezed her hand. “At least until this dies down.”

Jumin looked at Carina carefully. “Would you like to come back with us to the C&R building? Or would you prefer Driver Kim to take you home?”

She didn’t know how long she could keep it together, so she said quietly, “I’d like to go home, please, if it’s all right with you.”

He nodded once. “Driver Kim, Miss Lee’s apartment.”

They didn’t speak for the rest of the drive, except for Jumin’s quick phone call to arrange the bodyguards. Carina thought dimly that he must be very concerned to make the call himself rather than assigning the task to Jaehee. Other than that, she tried to clear her mind and let no other thoughts in.

Before long, the car came to a stop in front of her apartment, and Jumin turned to her. “Your security guards will arrive within the hour.” He hesitated. “I hope you will not be upset by what occured today.”

“I’ll be fine.” She tried not to sound as empty as she felt. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

“Of course not.” Jaehee smiled at her in an obvious attempt to be reassuring. “Please don’t let them bother you. Zen couldn’t be more devoted to you.”

“I know.” Quickly, before her thoughts could creep in, she undid her seatbelt and looked to Jumin, who slid from his seat to let her out.

“Call me if you need anything at all,” he said.

“I will. Thank you.”

“No need for thanks.”

With that, he disappeared back into the car, and Carina hurried as fast as she could to the apartment door. Her keys nearly slipped from her fumbling fingers twice, but at last she was inside with the door shut behind her, stumbling toward the bedroom to throw herself on the bed.

Then, only then, did she let the tears flow.

Stupid. It was ridiculous. She  _ knew _ it was ridiculous. Zen wasn’t cheating, and he never would. He was the most devoted boyfriend she could ever imagine. She’d fallen in love with him for his loyalty and honesty, and the way he looked at her every day left no room for doubt that he adored her.

Truly, she was the luckiest woman in the world.

So why couldn’t she hold back the tears that were streaming down her cheeks? Why was she being so stupid?

She didn’t know how long she lay there, crying into her pillow, before the sound of the door opening startled her out of her thoughts.

“Carina? Babe?” Zen’s voice was alarmed. “Are you all right? There are bodyguards outside the door. What happened?”

She sat up, wiping her eyes, trying to pull herself together before he saw her. He didn’t need to know how broken up she was. It would only make him feel bad, and he’d done nothing wrong. She couldn’t have that. No, she would tell him about the paparazzi later, when she’d calmed down, and it wouldn’t worry him as much.

He walked into the bedroom and stopped cold at the sight of her.

Carina mustered a smile, forcing herself to speak as calmly as she could. “Hi, Zenny. I’m glad you’re home.”

Clearly he wasn’t fooled for an instant, because he lunged forward to sit next to her, grabbing her hands in his own. Fear was written all over his face. “What is it, princess? What happened to you?”

Great. This wasn’t working at all. Tears threatened to spill over again, but she blinked them back, not dropping her smile. “Don’t worry about it. How was rehear--”

“What? How can I not worry?” His beautiful face twisted in pain. “How can I see you like this and pretend that nothing happened? Carina, please. Don’t shut me out.”

Dammit, he was right. She’d be terrified if their roles were reversed, if she found him in tears and he refused to tell her anything. She’d been wrong to even think of hiding this from him. 

Carina looked up at her boyfriend's face, and when she saw the panic in his eyes, she broke. Her breath went out of her in a rush, and she squeezed his hands, head falling forward until her forehead was resting against his chest.

Despite her best efforts to sound cool, her voice was small and shaky when it came out. “You… you’re mine, right?”

The tears spilled over again.

Zen’s breath caught in his throat, and then his arms were around her, pulling her tight against him. “Yours, always yours, forever and ever. Did I do something wrong? I made you doubt it?”

She bit back a sob so she could speak. “Not you. I was out with Jumin and Jaehee, and there were paparazzi…”

“Paparazzi?” He sounded baffled. “You mean they came after Jumin?”

Carina shook her head against his chest, her eyes squeezed shut. “Not him. Me. They were looking for me.”

A moment of silence, and then Zen pressed his hand against the back of her head, drawing her even closer to him. “Oh, no. Princess.”

Of course he knew without explanation what they had wanted, why they were there. There was no need for her to go on, but now that the words had begun flowing, she couldn’t hold them back. “They asked me how it felt to be cheated on, if our relationship was a sham…”

A small moan escaped him, and he lowered his lips to the top of her hair. Instinctively she lifted her head towards him so that he could trail kisses over her forehead, her cheeks, before claiming her mouth, lips moving against hers with an intensity that made her a little dizzy. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered against her lips. “I’m so sorry.”

She had to pull back for breath before she could answer. “Please don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault.”

“It’s  _ all _ my fault.” He let out a choked sound. “Princess, I would never cheat on you. You know that, right? God, you’re my entire world. I couldn’t live without you.”

“Mmm.” She’d never get tired of hearing those words. “I know.”

Something in her voice must have been unconvincing, because he hesitated, brow creased with worry. “Do you really? How can I prove it to you?”

“No, it’s not that,” she hurried to reassure him. “You have nothing to prove. It’s not you.”

“Then what? Please, tell me.”

Oh god. This was so stupid. She was going to sound like an idiot.

“Don’t laugh at me, okay?”

He pressed a soft, chaste kiss to her lips, then pulled back, eyes full of tenderness. “I promise.”

Carina extricated herself from his embrace, unable to look at him. Reluctantly, his arms released her, but she kept her eyes fixed on a spot on the carpet so that she wouldn’t see his expression.

“The paparazzi, your fans, the public -- they don’t believe in our relationship. They see you with these beautiful women, your co-stars, and they think that you belong with them. You and me, together -- they don’t understand it. And that’s because…”

She stopped to take a breath, and Zen cut in. “Because of the clause in my agency contract that stops me from being seen with you. God, I hate that! I wish I could just take you out and show the whole world how much I love you!”

“No.” If she was going to say this, she was going to say it all. “The agency contract doesn’t help, but that’s not really the problem, either. You’re talented, and famous, and devastatingly handsome. You could have any woman in the world, anyone you wanted. The media, your fans… they don’t think you belong with me because…” It hurt to get the words out, but she pressed on. “Because I’m plain, and common, and boring. Because I’m not good enough for you.”

Silence. Zen blinked, looking utterly appalled.

Then the words burst from him. “No.” His voice was agonized, and in an instant, he had grabbed her hand in both his own. “Don’t think that, not ever. You’re not any of those things.”

Carina forced a smile. “I know you don’t think so. And I’m so happy to know that. But it’s just something I have to live with.”

“It’s not!” One of his hands lifted to cup her cheek, his thumb wiping away a tear. “My princess. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. So much lovelier than any celebrity.”

It wasn’t usually this hard to believe him.

“Do you know what my favorite thing about your face is?”

He’d never said anything like this before. “No.”

“It’s your nose.”

That was… surprising. “My nose?”

“Mmm. It’s exquisite. The shape of it draws me in every time I look at you. I’ve never seen anyone with a nose like yours. Nobody could have a nose like that and ever be plain. You are… breathtaking.”

“Because of… my nose.”

He chuckled lightly. “Your beautiful nose.”

His eyes were too earnest for him to be saying anything but the truth, and Zen had never been one to lie. Suddenly self-conscious, Carina lifted her fingers to rub the feature in question.

“Ah, you’re not going to hide it, are you?” His hand on her cheek moved to slide her hand away. “I want to look at it some more.”

Despite her bad mood, she couldn’t hold back a giggle. “I think you’re a very silly man.”

“Maybe, but I’m your silly man, right?” His words were playful, but his solemn tone told her he wasn’t really joking.

He held both her hands now, and she spread her fingers to entwine them with his. “Of course you are.”

“Good.” He sighed. “I want to be yours forever. I couldn’t stand to lose a heart like yours, so big, so understanding, so full of love. Big enough to accept even Jumin Han.” He winked. “Big enough to put up with me, even when my ego’s so huge that I chase away everyone else.” 

“Your ego? Huge?” She widened her eyes at him in faux innocence.

“Hard to believe, right?”

“Absolutely shocking.”

He laughed, but it was brief, and a moment later his eyes squeezed shut. “I can’t believe you’re saying this. You, not good enough for-- I can’t believe you think--”

It couldn’t really be that surprising. “How could I not? You, you’re--”

“Not good enough for  _ you _ .”

Now it was Carina’s turn to be speechless.

He spoke in a rush, as if the words were too hard to say and he had to get them out quickly. “You deserve a normal man. It’s my fault you have to listen to all these horrible lies on the news, my fault that paparazzi have started stalking you. If you weren’t with me, you wouldn’t have to watch your boyfriend work with all these women or get hounded by fans. You’d have someone who came home at a reasonable hour, who could take you out without fear of publicity, who could properly take care of y--”

“What?” The idea of being without Zen was too horrible to contemplate. “No! Don’t even say it!”

He chuckled, but his face was bleak. “What do I have to offer you? A pretty face? What is that worth, really?”

“A pretty  _ face _ ? Is that what you think I see in you?”

He let out a breath. “No. I know you’re not that shallow. It’s just that… god. What is there in me that could possibly be worth everything you’re going through? I put you through so much, and for what? I’m selfish, keeping you for myself, when someone else could give you so much more. There’s nothing in me that could make all this trouble worth it. I’m… just not good enough.”

Carina couldn’t listen to any more of this. “Stop it.” She pulled her hands from his to place them on either side of his face, leaning in close so that he was forced to look at her. “You’re perfect for me. You’re all I could ever want. I’ve never met anyone as loyal as you. Whenever any of your friends need you, you’re there in a heartbeat. And your bravery -- you’d face down any threat for the sake of those you care about.” She smiled wryly. “You’d walk straight into an apartment rigged with a bomb to save the woman you love.”

His eyes brightened a little. “There is that.”

“You’re dedicated, and hardworking, and devoted. I’ve never felt so loved.” Unable to resist, she leaned in even closer, until her lips were a hairsbreadth from his. “And if you happen to be the most passionate man I’ve ever met, well…”

He surged forward so quickly that she gasped, his lips crashing against hers. This kiss was fierce, urgent, and yet somehow unbelievably sweet. When his arms wrapped around her, pulling her body tight against his, she moved her hands to the back of his head to hold him to her. With a quiet groan, he nipped lightly at her bottom lip, then sucked it gently between his own.

She couldn’t get enough of him. The feel of his body against her, his demanding mouth exploring hers, his hands on her back clenching fistfuls of her shirt… it overwhelmed her. Her heart was racing, and small moans escaped her, which drew a louder groan from him. Not enough. She’d never get enough.

When their lips parted, they were both panting. Zen’s eyes were glazed, unfocused, and Carina had a feeling hers were the same. 

“I’m supposed to be comforting you,” he breathed. “How did we end up with you comforting me?”

She felt her lip quirk. “We comfort each other. That’s what we do.”

“But you’re the one who had a bad day. It’s my responsibility to take care of my princess, isn’t it?”

Ordinarily she would argue that she was equally responsible for taking care of her knight, but today she actually wouldn’t mind being pampered. So she smiled up at him. “What did you have in mind?”

Zen lifted one hand to stroke the back of her head. “I thought I might make you dinner? Or--” he grimaced, no doubt thinking of his terrible cooking skills “--we can order from your favorite delivery place. I’ll give you a back massage, and you can pick any movie you want to watch. Or anything else you might want to do.” He leaned in to press a small kiss to the tip of her nose. “I’m entirely at your command, ready to serve your every whim, my princess.”

She could never get over the way he looked at her, just like he was now, so earnest, so heartfelt. “Instead of a movie,” she said, “I’d like you to serenade me. Will you do that for me?”

His eyes lit up. “It would be my honor. What would you like me to sing?”

“Surprise me.”

He nibbled his bottom lip, thinking. “I have to pick just one song?”

“No. As many as you like.” Carina could listen to his voice forever, especially when it was singing words of love to her. “And when you get tired of that, we can read lines together from whatever romance you choose.” More words of love from him. Nothing could be better.

“I think what you’re saying is you want me to lavish attention on you.”

She hummed her agreement.

“Believe me--” he leaned in again, this time to lay a chaste kiss on her lips “--I’ll be utterly delighted to.”

Carina grabbed his head with both hands, preventing him from moving away, and deepened the kiss. “But before any of that,” she murmured, “there’s something else I’d like to do.”

With that she drew back to lay on the bed, tugging at his shoulders, guiding him down with her. From the grin on his face, he was thrilled with this turn of events. “As I said.” He moved his mouth to her neck, pressing soft kisses against her sensitive skin. 

“I’m entirely at my princess’s command.”

 


End file.
